messed up

I think a lot about me, and everyone I love around me, dying. it’s more than just worry or maybe even anxiety. it’s just that I am genuinely not able to think of anything but the worst.

if even the slightest thing happens my brain automatically goes to the absolute worst thing that could possibly happen.

for example: I was in the shower and i heard a noise. I know that it could’ve been literally anything, my cat knocked something over or maybe my dogs were playing. I can acknowledge these things but my brain created and entire scenario where someone broke into my home and i imagined my dog being protective and attacking and then being shot in the head and then the intruder comes into the bathroom and sees my naked body and decides, instead of killing me, to sell me off.

all from a small and simple noise.

and i knew how crazy and illogical it was yet I felt that it was the most possible thing to happen at that moment.

my brain is just messed up.

I can’t be left alone without feeling like I have been abandoned and i can’t see my loved ones driving away without feeling like I will never see or speak to them again.

there’s something wrong with me and I don’t know what it is but I just wanna feel better.

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1 Comment

  1. Hello,
    I feel very much connected to the description you made. This fear and creation of the worst possible scenario concerning your loved ones. There was a phase in my life where I was constantly worried and imagining these awfulness all the time. It drained me and my nerves were about to break. It was actually my loved one who calmed me down, who said to me: why imagine the worse while you can imagine the best. The cure is: IF you don’t anticipate the negative, it will not happen. You SHOULD always have the positive on your mind and it will come to you or the least of it, drive away the negative. Drive your mind power towards the good and best and healthy and you will find yourself bit by bit freed from this anxiety episode.
    All the best,

    Liked by 1 person

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