thurs, march 8th. 8:24pm

when it’s quiet i have time to think.
this is something i like the avoid.
I live in a duplex so i am not able to play music loudly, so i watch movies because there’s no internet at my moms house.
and there’s always that moment where the movie is over and i have to change it. it’s quiet and i can hear the creaks and the groans of the house and there’s nothing i can do about thinking.
I wish I were normal.
it baffles me that there are people who wake up happy, and go along their day happy. with functional families and steady jobs and not many cares.
I envy those people. they have it sorted and there may be little moments where they feel like things are going wrong but that’s how I feel constantly with no vision of relief.
maybe I’m just broken or not meant to go about my life. maybe I wasn’t supposed to make it this far after all and so now life has no idea how to advance.

who knows. it’s just too quiet sometimes.

{photo by my friend Rio.}

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2 Comments

  1. Hello, this is a sad post after the former, exploding with happiness and joy! How can you be broken or with no vision of relief if you are loved and you love someone? I can understand that sometimes this is not enough at first to erase all the darkness in life but bit by bit it will eventually. As a reader who has already read the entirety of your blog, followed all the steps with you, I might seem indiscreet to wonder: why are you sad? and why you seem not to have a clue about how to advance? Life never stops, even death in my opinion is not a stop, it’s a step to another level of life. Perhaps your post made me think to much, thinking is contagious! 🙂 perhaps you were simply feeling down and wrote it and perhaps there is more to what you wrote about, another dimension you only know and you only can deal with.
    I wish you the best anyway and hope you are still surrounded and overwhelmed with love and joy 🎈💜

    Liked by 1 person

    1. hey! thanks for the comment. when I am home alone for long periods of time, especially at night, I am filled with paranoia and bad thoughts! it’s mainly a great fear for no reason and nothing has helped! it seems at the moment that everything is going wrong in my life. yes, my older post was happy because my boyfriend makes me happy but i guess I’m just sad more often. and at times I just get slumps and feel incredibly distant from everyone that means something to me and this was how I was feeling at this moment when i wrote it, I guess! as for the advancing, I’m just having a lot of issues with the road my future is going down and I’m just not sure where it’s gonna lead. I have no secure plans yet because the plans I did have just don’t seem to be working out and its very difficult. it’s put a lot of stress on me in a very short time and i guess I’m just overwhelmed with it. ♥

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